Limbo

"There is a period between each night and day when one dies for a few hours, neither dreaming nor thinking nor tossing nor hating nor loving, but dying for a little while because life progresses in just such a way.  From that sublime depth, a stranger awakens to strain his eyes into focus on the walls of a strange room.  Where am I? he asks himself.  There is a fleeting sound of lonely panic as he juggles into order the heavy, sleep-laden pieces of his mind's puzzle.  He is frightened because the bed is not his own.  He is in momentary terror because the walls are clean and bare and because the sounds are not the sounds of home, and because the chill air of a hotel room fifteen stories above the street is not the same as the furry, stale warmth of a bedroom occupied by three and pierced by the life-giving fragrance of bacon and eggs sizzling in a pan down below.  Then he remembers that hi is away from home and smiles smugly as he tells himself that home is there waiting for him forever.  he goes to the window, expands his chest, and stretches his arms to give vent to the magnitude of his joys upon being alive and happy and at home in a hotel room a hundred miles away, because home is as surely there as if he never left it."




R2B :)   -   Actually reading for once and finding beauty in a passage such as this.

Neurosis

There are some times where I just wonder why my brain works the way it does.  Damn grey matter always screws me over.


R2B :)   -   Today worked out better than I hoped it would.

Self loathing

WHAT THE FUCK.

R2B :)   -   none.

To do:

- Find a way to distract myself from my thoughts.




R2B :)   -   Today was certainly an interesting day.

Huh....

Well that certainly wasn't how I expected things to go.  Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I feel sort of empty....like I don't really have anything left.  I sort of feel swept to the side and like I'm just...here.  It's a weird feeling.  I thought I would feel like the world's been lifted off my shoulders like I did last time.  I thought I would feel happy to have had the courage to speak up.  I thought I would feel some closure.

But to be honest, I don't really feel anything.  I just feel kind of numb after that.

Maybe it's because I went from having two to having zero in a span of a few hours.  It's left me feeling a bit hopeless, honestly.  But I'll try to stay optimistic and say that this feeling is just one of those late-night feelings when my mind goes crazy with random, irrational thoughts.




R2B :)   -   I'm getting better about opening up, even if I still can't do it in person.

RROOOAAARRRRR!!!!

I still can't believe that this happened. I am still so in awe that this happened. Being on stage was so surreal.  It wasn't even until after Modern 2 went on that I had my "HOLY SHIT it's Cultural Night!" moment.


I am so thankful that the people in my song worked so hard throughout the year. Cultural Night honestly could not have gone better for me.  I am SO happy with how things turned out, and I am SO SO SO SO proud of everyone in my song (and everyone else in Jodaiko too).


This is honestly the best experience I've ever had with the group. I love this group so much.


Thank you to Lauren, Trisha, Leah, Andrew, Phillip, Masa, Doug, and Craig for making my dream become a reality.

RROOOAAARRR!!!

R2B :)   -   Roaring.